“If Only We Had A Year To Prepare For This”


WITH the sudden onrush of severe and grave consequences being felt from the Covid-19 pandemic the Irish government have voiced frustration, cursing their luck that this virus appeared out of nowhere in Ireland just days ago.

“If only we had the guts of a year to prepare for this, boy, you would have loved to see all the planning we would have done,” confirmed a government spokesperson.

“Hospitals, oh we would have had them properly resourced. We wouldn’t have had everything open around Christmas, are you joking me? Schools? We would have had extensive home learning supports in place immediately if we needed to shut them down a second time, but like we said no one knows anything about, what it’s called, Bin lid-19?”

Heavily relying on the public to have short term memory loss and no access to the internet, the government has stated, from a public safety point of view, it is essential that the cabinet maintains social distance from any and all blame.

“Did we basically take the advice of the ghost of Harold Shipman over that of NPHET? What’s a NPHET? That sounds like something you’d set up amid a pandemic and constantly ignore, but sure we’ve all only found out about this virus in the last few minutes,” added the spokesperson.

Going from the lowest incidence rate in Europe to the highest per million people in the world, Ireland’s health service faces all the sort of shortages and resources issues exhausted healthcare workers would have warned about if this had been a thing for 12 months.

Elsewhere as the government announced it now might be a good idea to start requiring airline passengers entering Ireland to provide a negative test before being allowed entry to the country, the public has suggested politicians be forced to produce a positive IQ test before being allowed near any position of responsibility.