Lazy Stoners To Get Their Medical Cannabis Delivered Straight To Their Door


THE GOVERNMENT has finally relented and will begin implementing a permanent medicinal cannabis delivery system which saves ‘lazy stoners’ the effort of having to travel abroad each and every time they need to obtain a prescription which can bring an end to debilitating seizures or ease agonising pain.

“You’d swear we were asking them to travel to Amsterdam every time they needed it or something,” said one Dept. of Health spokesperson of the old system which required patients to travel to Amsterdam every time they need to avail of medicinal cannabis.

“We get an awful unfair slagging about this stuff too, but it only took a global pandemic for us to change our way of doing things. Bit too much to ask them to roll themselves out of bed before 2pm and jump on a plane for medicine I suppose,” added the spokesperson, as they started playing ‘500 Miles’ by the Proclaimers on the office radio.

Issuing guidance for lazy stoners, the Dept. of Health advised children with epilepsy to move to Galway, listen to Bob Marley and watch the Big Lebowski for the medicinal cannabis to achieve best results.

Celebrations among patients were temporary however as the date for actually making the delivery system permanent was placed somewhere in between ‘paying student nurses’ and ‘listening to Cervical Check scandal campaigners’.

Despite the welcome progress the government has also rejected all calls to implement a similar home delivery system for munchies.