Local Man Hooks Himself Up To Catheter Before Starting Cyberpunk 2077


WITH the download on his purchase of Cyberpunk 2077 nearly complete Waterford man Stephen Neary is hooking himself up to a catheter for the purposes of draining his bladder during weeks and weeks of anticipated playing of the much anticipated, often delayed game.

Neary, having already bid an emotional farewell to his family as he recedes from society, believes installing a ‘piss bag’ should allow for uninterrupted game play which allows him to become fully immersed in the Night City set dystopia.

“After moving the fridge to right beside my gaming chair and quitting my job, all that was left to do was to shove a tube up my urethra,” explained Neary, unable to look at us as he was busy watching the download bar approach 100%.

“Bet they don’t have to deal with this catheter shite in 2077,” added Neary, who’s excitement and anticipation at getting to play the game has already resulted in an increase in nervous urinating.

Asked what provisions he had made for doing a ‘number 2’ and the possibility of a colostomy bag Neary explained that during his days of playing Grand Theft Auto V he simply taught his body ‘not to shit anymore’.

“Haven’t done it for a few years now, still haven’t mastered not pissing but my body has evolved to the point where it’s evolved to become the almost perfect gaming compatible body,” added Neary while effortlessly switching out piss bags as he got to grips with playing as ‘V’.

With his kitchen tap proving too far from his chair Neary has confirmed he is also taking a ‘Bear Grylls approach’ to keeping hydrated.