Covid Vaccine Forces Family To Find New Excuse Not To Visit Granny


THE government’s decision to roll out the Covid-19 vaccine first to elderly people in care homes has put a serious dampener on one Waterford family’s plans to go somewhere nice in the new year for a guilt-free holiday, now that they don’t have a foolproof excuse for not calling in to see their grandmother once a week.

“Well it was nice while it lasted” sighed Dungarvan native Colm O’Dourke, who will now have to hustle to find a reason not to visit his elderly mother in St. Margaret’s Of The Sliding Tackle Nursing Home, which is an agonisingly close distance from his house.

“Nearly a full year of being able to say ‘sorry Mam, we’d love to head to see you this week, bring the kids, the whole family, but we can’t because of the Covid’. It was incredible, we didn’t even have to lie! We couldn’t go. We were being good people by not going. So no more dirty looks from my brother, asking passive aggressively if I’d ‘been to see Mam’. And now there’s a vaccination to ruin everything”.

O’Dourke’s sentiments were repeated by families across Ireland, many of whom are fearful that a full vaccination program for the elderly will rob them of their now-weekly ‘Miss you nanna’ social media posts that had always garnered them massive online attention.

“We can only hope that the program for vaccination is stalled and we aren’t affected by it, and there’s no better government to fuck something like this up than ours” said O’Dourke, while texting his Mam even though he knows she can’t work her phone and would prefer a call.