WOULD you like to buy the exact same product you just bought ten minutes ago online that your internet cache just told us you were looking for? Great! Here’s an entire webpage dedicated to reselling you that same product for exactly the same price!
Sure, you literally just purchased the item from Amazon and it let us ad providers know that you were looking for it but failed to let them know you actually bought it, but who’s the big ninny who opted into our GDPR settings and gave everything the okay? You did! Ha-ha! And here you are now complaining about the fact.
Obviously owning two electric scooters would be great – one for each leg – but alas you can’t afford it. And that’s fine, our adverts will still try to sell you it anyway. Isn’t modern day capitalism great? Amazing what we can do these days now we have every little detail we need to know about you. What’s that, are we listening to you too through your phone? That would be telling lol.
Oh-oh! Looks like someone googled ‘how can I tell if my wife cheated on me?’, here’s some legal advice adverts you may need in the new year after a brief search of her phone confirms your suspicions. Shit, we could have told you six months ago she was sleeping with her work mate John, hence all the dating ads for singles in your area that we sent you. Christ, we even sent the two of them the same lingerie ads – what are we like at all, at all? Gas out. But sure look, we all need to make a buck, right?
Judging by your vast amount of data over the past 19 years online, you’re also pushing on a bit and will probably now want to lose weight in the new year and get on Tinder, being a 43-year-old professional earning 32k a year who secretly likes Polish women. Fuck it, here’s some online course ads for Polish classes.
Your tax evading online ad provider.