America Pledges To America The Shit Out Of American Elections


AS POLLING day in America approaches the American electorate is patriotically pledging to ‘America the shit out of it’ as it votes on its next president.

And while the identity of the victor may not be known until weeks after polling day, what is known is that Americans are currently Americaning the shit out of the American election.

“The beautiful thing about America is that no matter your race, creed, class or gender, whatever your poorly researched opinion is, it will likely lead you to vote in an almost dumbfondingly logic-adverse and patriotic manner or to use the technical term; it will see you ‘America the shit out of it’” explained election expert Sebastian Cumstard.

The most recent polls have indicated that supporters of both Donald Trump and Joe Biden that have already voted by mail in ballot did so ‘in good conscience’, with one particular side stressing that the way they voted absolutely didn’t confirm they are in fact racist.

“I’m not saying my guy is Americaning as much as he could, but that other guy but he sure looks like he American’ts too much,” explained one American.

Voters casting their ballot on November 3rd have confirmed they will be Americaning for a candidate they believe Americas to a higher level. Asked to expand on what they meant by this, some 98% replied by screaming ‘America’ as loudly as humanly possible.

The world will continue to watch on helplessly with many confirming they will not be able to sleep until they know who America feels can America America the most; Donald Trump or Joe Biden.

Elsewhere, an Afghan farmer has expressed no preference as to which candidate he would prefer to be in charge in three months time when he is killed by an erroneous missile strike, but conceded the whole thing would be ‘very American’.