Covid Swab Most Action Single Woman Has Got This Year


PRESENTING herself at her local Covid-19 testing centre this morning, one local woman came to a depressing realisation.

With a nasal and throat swab bringing forth gagging and evoking vivid muscle memory, a sexually reawakened 26-year-old Ciara Cloonan suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that this brief exchange with a Covid test swab was the most action she’s got during this Godforsaken year.

Gripping the sides of her chair in eager anticipation Cloonan was reacquainted with a deep desire to be sexually sated and was sent over the edge after locking eyes with the faceless person in full body scrubs armed with a swab.

“I never thought I’d miss that feeling to be honest, any chance you could do one more for the road,” Cloonan begged of the technician carrying out the test, who despite having their faced obscured by a mask, had morphed into a shirtless Ryan Reynolds due to Cloonan’s sex-starved delirium.

“Miss, I’m sorry you can’t smoke in here,” the technician stated as a satisfied Cloonan sank back into her chair, lighting up a cigarette.

“Fuck 2020,” confirmed Cloonan, echoing similar sentiments felt by the world’s cohort of single people, who have seen their dating life curtailed somewhat by the slight inconvenience known otherwise as a global pandemic.

Elsewhere, at the testing station next door to Cloonan, one sex starved man had to be forcibly removed from the facility after asking for his test to be administered anally.