AS CASES of Covid-19 among young people steadily rise across Europe and India surpasses Brazil in total number of cases, the WHO has issued a new warning about a previously unknown possible symptom, WWN can confirm.
After almost 9 straight months of repeatedly issuing warnings, hygiene advice and urging commonsense the WHO now fears that deaf ears may be a new major Covid-19 symptom.
“The more we explained, and the more people learned about what simple things they can do to help limit the spread of a potentially deadly virus as economies opened back up, it’s almost like people stopped listening,” explained WHO’s chief Are You Fucking Kidding Me Guys spokesperson, Maya Hernandez.
“But obviously that can’t be the case, nobody is that much of an asshole while a pandemic rages right? So the only reasonable explanation for that small number of people rushing to ignore the most simple advice and shirk responsibility are suffering temporary loss of hearing”.
In more encouraging news, deciding that you don’t care anymore has proven to be very good for the mental health of people who also don’t care about their neighbours, the elderly, or poorly paid healthcare professionals.
“We’re not naming names or seeking to shame,” said Hernandez concluding her remarks, “but seriously, again, what the fuck America?”
Closer to home, Ireland’s Chief Medical Officer Ronan Flynn is set to tackle the same potential loss of hearing among the public as cases continue to rise by replacing himself at daily Covid-19 briefings with Connell from Normal People in a desperate bid for the public’s attention.
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