Parents Under Impression Teachers Know What’s Going On With Schools

PARENTS concerned about safety measures in their kids’ schools have angrily turned to the teachers and principals for answers, as if education professionals have been shown some masterful plan by the government but are just keeping it to themselves.

With schools being one of the first institutions to be closed when the pandemic hit our shores in the early part of the year, many parents have serious doubts about sending their kids back to primary or secondary school while daily case numbers reach month-long highs; something that one teacher we spoke to offered no new details about.

“Take out your copybooks, open a fresh page and write this down; we haven’t got a fucking clue either” said Margaret Donlan, headmistress at St. Dee Of The Twisted Sister NS in Waterford.

“If you’re wondering how the government is going to react to the recent spike in Covid-19 cases, well, we’re curious about that ourselves. Until then, it’s business as usual here next week and if we get any new information, believe me we’ll tell you straight away. Now for the love of God, stop Whatsapping us. Why I ever gave out my private number to you people, I’ll never know”.

Upon further questioning, Ms Donlan assured us that in the time that had passed since our last inquiry about how our children would be safe, she had received no new information.

“Here’s a maths question; if a teacher knew fuck-all five minutes ago and then receives no new information from NPHET or the Department of Education, how much extra fuck-all does she now possess?” she snapped, before giving us the first punishment lines and detention we’ve received in over 20 years ‘for being annoying’.