Tag: schools

350,000 Germ Factories Return To School

AS MANY AS 350,000 snot dripping, pants soiling, cough-while-not-covering-mouths, dirty handed children have made their return to school after the initial return to in-person began two weeks ago. Equal parts delighted and horrified to be returning to their profession in an environment more conducive to learning, teachers stoically accepted the fact 350,000 germ factories needed… Read more »

Children Devastated After Learning School Not On Hazard List

SCHOOLCHILDREN across the country have been described as ‘inconsolable’ after learning that their schools are not on a list of buildings being examined for potentially deadly structural weaknesses in the current Irish scandal du jour. 42 schools built by Western Building Systems are under review following concerns about fire safety and structural defects, prompting a… Read more »

God Banned From Hanging Around Schools

A HIGH Court ruling has implemented a ban on the creator of the universe, God, after a series of public complaints claimed the 4.5 billion-year-old was loitering around the majority of schools in the country. In the ruling this morning, Judge Peter Kelly ordered the Almighty to stay at least 1,000 meters away from all primary and… Read more »