Group Opposed To Paedophiles Sure Look A Lot Like Paedophiles

A WATERFORD-based nationalist political group which held a rally in the middle of the city on Saturday night have moved paedophiles up to the top of their hit list, surpassing gays, abortion, single-parenthood, divorce, immigration, black business owners, mosques, and Direct Provision as their number one reason as to why Ireland needs their help.

Around a hundred members of the True Patriot Party convened along the quays to protest against what they describe as ‘rampant paedophilia throughout the Irish government’ based on a photo of the new Minister For Children Roderic O’Gorman with controversial British campaigner Peter Tatchell at the 2018 Dublin Pride march, although the group’s appearance made it unclear to onlookers what side of the fence the protesters were on.

“So let me get this straight, these guys aren’t paedos? Because, and I’m not being funny here, but some of them certainly look a bit paedo-ey” said one Waterford parent we spoke to.

“Oh, they’re not paedos? Okay. It’s just they had, you know, fairly noncey energy about them. They’re furiously angry about something, but then when you scratch the surface, you find they’re actually just against gays or foreigners or something, and they’ve tacked on some other cause to add legitimacy to their shite – not this crowd though, they seem like a real sound bunch of lads who certainly didn’t just land into town here for a fight”.

Meanwhile a statement from the True Patriot Party, so named because every other combination of ‘national’, ‘patriotic’, ‘Irish’, ‘Ireland’ and ‘United’ were taken, gave further clarity on their stance on the matter.

“If you’re not on our side, then you’re on the side of paedophilia” declared the leader of the ever-growing movement, securing himself a guest spot on every RTÉ current affairs programme for the next four years.