Sinn Féin In Desperate Struggle To Look Disappointed To Be In Opposition

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SINN FÉIN are today being taken through their ‘oh no’ paces by a crack team of acting teachers, in a bid to appear like the incoming Fianna Fáil/ Fine Gael/Greens coalition government isn’t the exact result they had been hoping for.

“There are several, very natural reactions that you’re going to have to fight against over the next few weeks; smiles, raised eyebrows, twinkling eyes, that kind of thing,” explained Abbey Theatre tutor Arthur Carlonson, taking Mary Lou McDonald and her TDs through their paces.

“Now that Varadkar has stepped aside willingly to allow Micheál Martin to assume the role of Taoiseach, you’ll see and hear things every day that will make you want to jump up and down, smiling for joy because you know how much easier it will make your jobs at the next election. But you must resist! Your role here is to look angry, upset and incredulous”.

Carlonson, a renowned political acting trainer, is well known to SF members as the man who helped them appear to be united on issues such as the 8th amendment and marriage equality, as well as the man who helped them get on their ‘big angry faces’ back during the banking crisis.

“It’s going to be tough for them; for many of them, this result is exactly what they wanted. The chance to get back into opposition and needle the shite out of the government, with the wipeout of the Greens thrown in as a bonus” said Carlonson, during a smoke break.

“Mary Lou, in particular. Her two biggest rivals are teaming up as the country struggle with the Covid-19 crisis and the upcoming economic hardship; she knows she has their balls in a vice on health, jobs, social welfare, taxes, everything. And she has to go out on live TV and present herself as a leader who is angry about all this? This’ll be a challenge, even for me!”

With their five minutes up, the party reconvened in a circle around their teacher, as the afternoon session titled ‘assuring the country that a fresh election will sort all this out’ kicked off.

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