Dad Going Through Silly Hat Phase

THE family of a county Waterford man have renewed appeals today for him to stop wearing silly hats out in public all the time or face emancipation proceedings from all four of his children.

In the latest addition to a long history of nauseating head wear, Martin Power’s straw hat was met with valid reasoning about how a man of his age should know better, and whether he had any shame left in him at all.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?” soon-to-be former daughter, Tanya Power told WWN when shown a picture of her father wearing his next favourite hat.

“For the last two years he’s been wearing a manky looking Paddy hat – thinking he’s that pale gaunt bollocks from Peaky Blinders – now he’s on the man from Del Monte buzz. Jesus fucking Christ, dad, get a grip”.

Conferring with absolutely no one, not even his wife of 12 years, Aoife Power (soon-to-be Aoife Ryan), the 42-year-old defended his latest fashion decision, likening himself to a 19th century poet or that one picture of Don Johnson that Power almost certainly dreamed up in his head and does not exist.

“I said feck it, I’m pushing on now and couldn’t be arsed with my hair anymore, so I now wear hats, is that some kind of crime these days?” Power stated, in a serious tone.

“If I want to look like a fictional character from a 19th century, a poet in deep thought, lounging around a garden then I’ll do just that, and no one will stop me,” he added, before opening several legal documents sent by all five family members.