Winston Churchill Statue Frantically Deleting ‘Bengal Famine’ Section Of His Wikipedia Page


MOMENTARILY leaving its plinth in Westminster’s Parliament Square, a panicked Winston Churchill statue entered an internet cafe to remove references to all troubling aspects of Churchill’s political life, including his role in the Bengal Famine of 1943 in an attempt to keep the statue standing a little longer.

Famous for his pivotal role in defeating Nazism, Churchill is absolutely not famous in Britain for ignoring continued warnings that use of Indian resources for the war effort and continuing to export rice elsewhere in the empire would result in famine. Nor is he famous for blaming the famine, which resulted in 3 million deaths, on Indians ‘breeding like rabbits’ and labeling it non-existent as ‘Gandhi is still alive’.

“Delete, delete, delete, Jesus Christ, delete,” the statue muttered as it gained editorial access to Wikipedia’s entry on Churchill, whose factual ‘controversies’ and ‘accusations of racism’ section were putting the statue’s ongoing upright status at risk.

“Oh God, they’ve even got the ‘I am strongly in favour of using poisoned gas against uncivilised tribes… it would spread a lively terror’ quote on here too,” bemoaned the statue.

Staunch defenders of Churchill’s legacy have incorrectly pointed out that he ‘done World War II proper good’ and therefore that means there is a ban on all conversations about his unleashing the Black and Tans on Ireland, supporting the use of Boer War era concentration camps which resulted in thousands upon thousands of deaths amid abject conditions, and his staunch defence of unspeakable acts of barbarity carried out in the name of British Imperialism.

“This is typical of you lot; ‘Ramesh’s Internet Cafe’, you’re lucky we let you in this country,” the statue spouted as the cafe owner politely asked the statue to leave after recognising him.

Elsewhere, Prime Minister Boris Johnson made the decision not to scrub the internet of all the racist bile he has spouted over the years as he knows he will never have a statue.