Sisters Of Charity Acting Like We Should Be Grateful


DESPITE overseeing for-profit illegal adoptions which ripped children away from their mothers who they placed in indentured servitude, religious order Sisters of Charity was surprised by the absence of a ticker tape parade in their honour after they announced the transfer of lands at St. Vincent’s Hospital to the Irish state.

“You’re probably all just shocked by how Godly, pure and charitable we must strike you as after this glorious ‘gift’ we’ve so selflessly given you even though you’re not worthy,” explained a spokesnun for the not-particularly-Christian-in-any-way order, before admitting to being disappointed by the lack of chatter about a medal ceremony.

“But anyway, you’re welcome” added the spokesnun, in response to no one saying ‘thank you’. However, vast swathes of the public recall that the Sisters of Charity are one of the religious orders which failed to pay into the redress schemes for Magdalene Survivors.

“Yeah it’s weird, I haven’t heard anyone say ‘thanks’, I’ve definitely heard people point out this is the same crowd that mistreated, beat and neglected children who were left at best malnourished and at worst, dead in a septic tank,” said one person of the religious order who took to being cruel to women the same way Mozart took to the piano.

Meanwhile, the Irish public has been told to mentally prepare itself for fresh news in 6 month’s time which will likely reveal the order didn’t strictly ‘gift’ the land, how it somehow still owns it and the government is inexplicably paying them €100 million euro in rent for the land each month.

“And don’t forget we’ll still claim it was a ‘different time’ and maintain ‘they’re all hell-bound sluts’ with the sort of blind hate you’d more associate with a retired Nazi hiding out in Argentina,” helpfully concluded the spokesnun.