“I Remember A Time Everyone Used To Fear Me Too” Normal Flu Breaks Silence


AS part of WWNs opinion series, we give a platform to those who don’t really deserve it. This week is the turn of age old virus, the seasonal flu, who for the first time since the coronavirus lockdown breaks its silence on the world’s latest pandemic. 

Oh, it’s all coronavirus this, covid-19 that, and of course nothing about poor little old me who’s left forgotten about like some Nickleback B side. I killed 101 of you Irish people this season and not so much as a by your leave from anyone here and that’s even with you injecting yourselves with those poxy vaccines. But nah, where’s my lockdown every year? Where’s my social distancing? You people actually make me sick. Imagine making a virus sick, well, congratulations, you’ve just done it, assholes.

Sure, Mr. fancy pants coronavirus has built up a nice little reputation for himself over the past few months with his vicious assault, but try sticking around for a century and infecting 3-5 million and killing 250,000 to 500,000 of you puny humans every year. Yes – every fucking year! Stick that in your windpipes and smoke it.

Okay, I know you’re all used to me by now and have become complacent – I get that – but I can’t help feeling a little jealous of all the attention Covid is getting. I’ll admit he’s a lot more dangerous to certain people than I am, and probably a bit more handsome with his sexy protein spikes, his scary name, fantastic PR team (the mainstream media), but come on guys, do me some justice here and think about me every year when I incubate inside your respiratory systems – I’m just as good a killer he is, if not better, so if you’re really concerned about the most vulnerable dying then why not practice social distancing all the time? I’m sure your economy will absolutely love it.

And before you point it out, yes; measles, meningitis, malaria, TB and even Hepatitis B are a lot more dangerous than us and kill far more every year, probably poverty, too, but don’t underestimate me and cast me aside like I’m nothing but an afterthought – I was here before that Covid prick, and I’ll be here long after he’s gone too.

See you all in November. Peace out

The Seasonal Flu