Banks Being Suspiciously Nice All Of A Sudden


AN independent think-tank has declared that the banking sector has been ‘a little too smiley’ during the Coronavirus crisis for anyone’s liking, prompting fears that they’re on the brink of profiting from human misery for the first time ever.

Most banks and mortgage lenders were quick to offer 3-month ‘mortgage holidays’ to struggling families after the onset of Covid-19, with many praising the institutions for helping out their fellow man in a time of desperate need.

However, the ongoing niceness of bankers has lead many to believe that this is all going to work out very well for the banking sector and very poorly for everyone else.

“They’re not mortgage holidays; they’re mortgage deferments!” said one think-tank member, sitting bolt upright in bed in a cold sweat.

“That means we all still have to pay these ‘free’ months back at the end of the mortgage terms, including extra interest… and my God, what happens if the interest rates change between now and then? That could mean the banks effectively just swapped a low-interest, low-profit period of payments for a high-interest period in a few years time! Those bastards could make billions extra off this thing! No wonder that manager was so God damn skippy when he walked past me today!”

The think-tank has already warned the government about what appears to be happening, but those in charge say that they’re “100% confident” that the banks aren’t doing anything that warrants checks or investigations.