Ticketmaster & Ryanair Announce Merger To Become The Biggest Shower Of Bastards Going


MERGING for no other reason but the sheer gall of it, budget airline carrier Ryanair and event ticket provider Ticketmaster have announced they are to join forces in the hopes of becoming the biggest shower of bastards going, WWN can confirm.

Sick of constant comparisons between their string of failures and piss poor customer service, the newly named Shower Of Bastards Group vowed to continue screwing over customers and business partners alike while raking in vast profits from their bastard led proceeds.

“No one is going to beat us now when it comes to our low life refund tactics and our sudden changes to terms and conditions,” a spokesperson for the new group stated, before announcing their new bastard measures, “we’re going to scrap all our customer service departments and instead direct everyone to a webpage featuring a picture of a giant middle finger and the words ‘fuck you’ underneath it, saving us tens of millions of euros a year and countless headaches from moaning customers”.

Shower Of Bastards Ltd said it is also actively reviewing other companies it could acquire in a bid to ‘wreck the most heads as humanly possible’.

“We’re hoping that in a few years the Irish government will start selling off its health care system and we’re really excited about buying that up and making it even worse than it already is – if that’s possible,” a published statement read, before threatening more takeovers, “the energy supplier market is also a good one or indeed the property or banking sector, yeah, pretty much anything that will ruin your entire existence on this planet”.

When asked how it plans to retain customers after constantly mishandling their complaints, Shower Of Bastards Ltd stated that ‘people are generally stupid and no matter how badly you treat them, the fools will always go for the cheapest option possible’.