THE ongoing Covid-19 pandemic and the accompanying restrictions have combined to dry up the very last drops of joy, laughter and fun for many people with its unending continuance being described as a ‘monumentally shit’ development by experts.
With lockdown extended until at least the 5th of May in Ireland, the emerging long lasting change to our way of life has led frustrated people to ask “seriously though, there’s only so long I can hold conversations with a bottle of toilet duck, when is this nightmare going to be over?”
As heartwarming stories of people Zoom and Skype calling into their local strip clubs no longer boosting morale, and the completing of ‘Which Global Pandemic Are You?’ quizzes online no longer helping people cling to a semblance of normality, society has now firmly exited the ‘well at least this will be over eventually’ phase and completely given over to ‘is this someone’s idea of a sick joke?’
“Normally I’d be loving photos of Matt Damon on the loose in Dublin with a Supervalu bag, but this isn’t funny anymore,” shared one woman who knows it was never funny to begin with but seriously, her contact with the outside world for the last month has been limited to tutting at people standing too close together.
“That one rare thing that used to bring me joy in the beginning of all this; the big mickey lad prank pictures, well, they just leave me cold inside now,” concluded a forlorn local man, who can’t remember the last time he mustered a laugh at a meme of an epically proportioned penis hidden in plain sight.