Trump Criticises WHO, Punches Baby, Unplugs 99-Year-Old On Life Support

PROOF that there a virus with the capacity to cause harm all over the world is continuing to wreak havoc arrived yet again with Donald Trump’s latest press conference, during which the virus again criticised the World Health Organisation and threatened to pull US funding from the organisation.

Not content with just the one indignant outburst, President Trump embraced the ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ method by also punching a baby square in the face and unplugging the life support machine of a 99-year-old World War II veteran turned biochemist who was working on a vaccine for Covid-19.

“Firing Navy Captains for pleading that the lives of his officers be saved, then denying states much needed supplies due to his radioactive pettiness. Criticising the WHO for taking the Chinese government at face value, despite the fact he was tweeting praise for China himself. Sure enough you name the one level Trump would never stoop to and he proves you wrong again and again,” shared one reporter, marveling at the unrelenting awfulness of the man.

“The Chinavirus was cooked up in a 5G lab by Joe Biden’s son,” confirmed Trump in response to a question about why the federal government still isn’t providing adequate levels of testing, medicals supplies and supports.

“The cure to Covid-19 is yours for only $999.99 with these Trump branded healing crystals made from mercury, whale blubber, aspartame and a lock of Ivanka’s hair I cut off while she was asleep,” confirmed Trump in response to a question about why he is allowing in-person voting for the Republican primary in Wisconsin to go ahead despite experts confirming it will lead to ‘more deaths.

“Fuck you,” concluded Trump in response to a question about why he was now boasting about how much of a triumph only 200,000 US deaths will be when he spent weeks stating this was all an overblown hoax that would disappear at the start of April.