Dad Up So Everyone Else Has To Get Up

OPENING all windows in the house despite it only being 7.23am during a nationwide lockdown, dad of four Charlie Hennebry is up out of bed and wide awake, a sure sign that the rest of his reluctant family members will have to follow suit.

Pulling back the curtains in his son’s room with all the grace of a stampeding African elephant, Hennebry thundered from room to room in his usual dad way, irritating just about everyone in his path.

“He was in bed until 2pm yesterday because he had a hangover from drinking too much wine while watching Netflix,” recalled Diarmuid Hennebry, who has been a full time son for the past 14 years, “he even started giving out that we were making too much noise having breakfast yesterday, yet here he is first thing on a Monday morning banging doors and opening windows trying to prove some unknown bullshit point,” adding, “piss off dad, you dick”.

Unhappy with the lack of movement, Mr. Hennebry opted for the loudest daily chores to begin the morning, starting with the hoovering before cleaning out the fire in the sitting room, which was beside his daughter Roisin’s bedroom.

“I read a news story from America once where a kid shot his father dead for waking him up too early,” the 17-year-old pointed out, for no reason whatsoever, “at the time I thought it was an awful thing to do, but now I can kind of understand it, ya know? Albeit too quick a death for such a thing”.

Dad, who is usually on the M50 right now screaming obscenities at random people, was not available for comment this morning as he was ‘too busy cleaning up after everybody’s mess’.