Man Tests Positive For Pro-Varadkar Thoughts


THE FAMILY of a normally staunch anti-Fine Gael man have spoken out after he tested positive for a number of pro-Varakar thoughts in recent days, warning others to keep an eye out for similar symptoms.

“It started out with the odd positive comment or two, before he broke out into nonstop feverish praise, but the memory loss is the worst – he can’t remember any of the last decade,” shared the wife of stricken Tom Sheehan.

“It’s worse than we thought, he didn’t even accuse Leo of cynical PR spin when it was reported he had re-registered as a doctor, and poor Tom’s symptoms are so bad he let that clearly made up anecdote about ‘welfare cheats’ slide without even shouting once at the TV,” Sheehan’s distraught family told WWN.

Symptoms for pro-Varadkar thoughts include: uttering ‘aren’t you glad they’re in charge over that other lot’ despite screaming ‘Toicfiadh ár lá’ at the top of your lungs after the recent election, developing troubling verbal diarrhoea which makes it impossible to let someone else’s legitimate criticism of the government go unchallenged, and in extreme cases effusively praising politicians for finally fighting for vulnerable people for once.

Despite a lack of PPE in Irish hospitals, healthcare workers have assured the public the potential of nurses and doctors contracting pro-government thoughts remains at 0%.

Elsewhere, after seeing the conditions healthcare professionals are forced to endure and the lack of basic equipment, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has called for a nationwide strike on his first day back on the hospital floor.