“This Is All Connected To 5G” Queen Elizabeth Sends Message To Britain

DURING WHAT WAS meant to be a stirring address delivered to reinvigorate the British people’s resoluteness in the face of adversity, Queen Elizabeth II had her live TV address cut short after she linked the Covid-19 pandemic to ‘brain frying autism canons; the cancer factory that is 5G technology’.

As misinformation and unverified rumours run rife and risk weakening legitimate efforts to stem the spread of Covid-19, the Queen’s private security detail took drastic and dramatic action when the monarch began sounding like a regurgitated YouTube video from a homeopath trying to sell Covid-19 healing crystals.

“The Queen’s speech started out as normal,” explained royal expert William Crummond, “she said ‘what do I care, I’m going to be dead soon’ and ‘Charles, you try to so much as cough on me, I’ll cut you’. You know, usual Queenie stuff, but then it took a dark turn”.

Stating ‘we all are in this together’ from her taxpayer funded mansion surrounded by walls and bolstered security, the Queen dramatically switched the tone of her speech and went ‘full drunk Auntie on Facebook’.

“I am speaking to you at what I know is an increasingly challenging time but the Earth is flat, jet fuel can’t melt steel beams, Ben Mitchell on Eastenders is an imposter, Guinness from a can is shit.

“This Covid-19 stuff is all connected to 5G, the alien gamma ray technology burns your skin and dries up your throat forcing you to cough. I’m a fucking lizard so I know what I’m talking about,” screeched the Queen before being shunted off screen and through a nearby window by two burly security men.