Nation Knows Things Are Bad But They’re Not ‘Fine Gael/Fianna Fáil Coalition’ Bad

THE IRISH people, never more unified against a common foe except for when the Brits couldn’t take the hint circa 1916, have insisted that while we’re all in this fight against the Covid-19 pandemic together, the once in a century threat isn’t grave enough to warrant a Fine Gael/Fianna Fáil coalition so hold your horses.

“Ah now, hang on just a second,” the nation said while waving a socially distant finger in the direction of Leo Varadkar and Micheál Martin as they ramp up coalition talks, “sure; life as we know it is on hold, the economy is thrashed, and things are about to get a lot worse before they get better, but don’t even think about it!”

“Don’t even try to pull a fast one ya sly hoors,” added the nation, who commended all the efforts by Irish politicians thus far, but if FG/FF were to begin trotting out phrases in the Dáil today like ‘in the national interest’, ‘we have a duty to the people’, ‘we want to avoid a constitutional crisis’ they would soon change their tune.

“I honestly don’t think we need that talk right now. Sure, yeah, fast forward 6 months and we’re all eating our young to survive, wearing toilet paper as underwear, maybe then but still only ‘maybe’,” added one political commentator.

“Are there not other, less severe options like putting all the toddlers stuck at home annoying their parents in charge?”

Elsewhere, the government has been criticised for claiming they are just following official World Health Organisation’s guidelines by keeping talk of a national unity government, and Sinn Féin at a distance of at least 2,000 metres at all times.