CORONAVIRUS claimed its biggest casualty of this crisis so far yesterday, with the closure of McDonalds restaurants around the country for the foreseeable future.
With access to mass-produced chicken & beef-based fried foods now curtailed, parents find themselves facing into self-isolation with their children for an undetermined amount of time without even their usual ‘be good and you’ll get a Happy Meal at the weekend’ bribes to tide them through. But never fear! WWN is here to show you some simple tips to making a Happy Meal your kids will swear came right from under the Golden Arches themselves!
1) Burgers & Nuggets
This is the easy part; creating a hamburger or chicken nuggets that perfectly replicate those from McDonalds. For the nuggets, it’s simple; whatever Big Al’s chicken chunks that you have in the fridge, stick them in the oven. If you have to make up the numbers, cut a fish finger in two. For burgers, simply cook up a burger and put it between two slices of while bread with a squirt of red sauce on it. What difference does it make?
Ok, you could spend hours cutting tiny little french fries out of a potato using a scalpel; or you could just chop a potato into 6 and have done with. Time is of the essence here! And besides, will you kid really notice if the chips in their at-home Happy Meal aren’t the exact same as the ones from McDonalds? Come on now.
3) A toy
No toys at the dinner table. Eat your chips.
4) The Happy Meal box
You have no boxes, a plate is grand.
5) The rest
Now that your kids have the McDonalds experience, you’re going to have to make sure that the wider world does too. So after dinner, make sure to go out and stuff as many chickens as you can into inhumane cages and surroundings, chip in a few quid for loggers deforesting the Amazon to make space, and herd together as many cows as you can find, to ensure there’s enough methane in the air to chip away at the ozone for a few years.
Oh, and pay yourself next to nothing for making the meal in the first place; but you were probably doing that anyway, right?
Oh yeah, the McFlurry. Leave some ice-cream out until it melts a bit?