“Go Rev Matt Agat” Students Thank Government For Full Marks In Irish Oral Exams


THE DEPARTMENT of Education has this morning announced that Irish junior and leaving cert oral exams are to be cancelled with students receiving full marks in light of the unfolding Covid-19 threat, the move was greeted by wild celebrations from students and a big “you lucky little shits” from everyone else.

“Go-rev-your-Ma’s-guts,” Irish students said with hyper quick speed in a bid to mask how ropey and rudimentary their grasp of the language was.

Asked as Gaeilge if they were happy with the news, confused and sheepish looking students, hazarding a guess, said “Tá?” and hoped for the best. Drawing on the exact sort of method they were intending to employ in their orals, something they no longer have to worry about.

“I wish I was lucky enough to be juggling important exams during a global pandemic, you guys don’t know how lucky you have it,” the surly previous sitters of state exams expressed.

People have been asked to spare a thought for those teachers meant to conduct Irish orals, who will now be denied the chance to hear hundreds of eerily similar accounts of how students like to play football and holiday with their family in France.

“As a student, I’m delighted we don’t have to do the orals now, it actually frees up a lot of extra time to worry even more about Covid-19, yay for me,” shared one leaving cert student, who has a lifetime ahead of them and their upcoming achievements in exams being downgraded by other Leaving Cert years with a dismissive ‘oh you were part of the Leaving Barely-a-cert year’.

Elsewhere, students have defied recommendations on social distancing to begin construction on a 100 foot tall statue of Minister for Education Joe McHugh.