TV Licence Inspector Better Not Even Fucking Think About It

WITH the majority of the nation in a semi-state of lockdown, Irish citizens today warned any TV licence inspector to ‘not even fucking think about calling’ to their doors, suggesting that there may be a few more deaths on the island that will not be the direct result of Covid-19.

Citing a constant barrage of repetitive television programming and news stories centred around the virus, viewers and listeners of the national broadcaster guaranteed an unhappy welcome for any licence official inquiring about a TV licence, promising acts of brutal violence to anyone daring.

“Don’t get us wrong, we’d definitely torture and then murder someone asking to see our TV licence at this stage,” the nation conferred, now desperately trying to find something on TV of use that’s not virus related, “this piss poor TV programming is actually criminal and we just hope whoever is in charge of scheduling receives all the comeuppance they deserve”.

In an attempt to dissuade opportunistic licence inspectors the public have been reportedly coughing through the letter box at any inspectors to shoo them away from their homes.

“It’s a simple ask; if people want better produced programmes,” Director of the station Dee Forbes explained. “RTÉ even gives you 3 minutes of adverts every ten to fifteen minutes which the BBC doesn’t even do, so I have no idea what the problem is here; more money, more fantastic programs like The Ray D’Arcy show and Fair City. Simple”.