Old Person Using Special Shopping Hours Revealed To Be Two Kids In Long Coat


EXTRA security is being put in place in supermarkets around the country after two Waterford youths attempted to avail of the special ‘Coronavirus elderly hours’ in their local shop via an elaborate old-person disguise.

Staff at WonderValue, Tramore, became suspicious of the elderly man who was tottering about from left to right buying cans of Lynx and slabs of beer during the 9am-11am period set aside for the elderly and less able to do their shopping before the rest of the town swoop in and clear them out.

After it was revealed that the ‘old man’ was two kids and a long coat, a spokesperson for Wondervalue stated that a number of local nightclub bouncers, themselves recently rendered unemployed by the Coronavirus, would be drafted in to make sure the elderly customers were legit from now on.

“Got any ID pal? Over 64s only in here at the minute,” one of these burly doormen was heard to say as he vetted the clientele lined up outside WonderValue this morning.

“Dave, Dave mate, watch over your side, there’s an old woman that looks like she might be a 30-something year old woman with a bunch of lines drawn on her face. Rush her mate, quick before she panic-buys every toilet roll in the place!”

Meanwhile the rest of the country are remaining respectful of shops who have put on priority hours for the more vulnerable in society, and panic buying is lessening as we all realise we’re in this together and we need to act rationally, aren’t we?