Trump Hails ‘Positive’ Talks With Covid-19

EMERGING from a fresh meeting, a pale US president Donald Trump coughed and spluttered his way through the welcome news the entire world was waiting for; given the opportunity to simply sit down and talk with the Covid-19 strain of coronavirus, an agreement with the virus to simply voluntarily cease spreading could be achieved.

“I have, today, reached a deal which many people are saying is the best deal, with our friend Covid-19,” Trump, sweating profusely from his brow, shared with relieved people everywhere and making a mockery of so-called health ‘experts’.

Trump, now turning to Covid-19 which had been sat gestating on a chair next to him during his initial remarks, added “they said you were a bad dude, and you drive a hard bargain but we got the deal done. Put it there, buddy” while extending his arm for a firm and lengthy handshake with the acute respiratory infection.

A smattering of applause broke out among Trump’s circle of advisers and enablers at the White House, while others took to their phones to urgently tell their loved ones “I love you honey, we tried our best, but it’s over”.

Now suddenly feeling quite weak and lethargic, Trump was helped to his feet by his advisers, but the courageous and intelligent leader still found the strength to blame Barack Obama for everything.

“Oh God, what is that burning sensation?” a fading Trump gasped, before an aide replied “victory, Sir, that’s the stinging pain of multiple organ failure, and victory. You really showed that Covid-19 Mr. President.”

Rumours are abound that were Covid-19 to successfully ‘down’ the US president it would be a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize.