Weinstein Asks For Retrial In Ireland

CONVICTED rapist Harvey Weinstein has ordered his legal team to push for a retrial in the Republic Of Ireland, stating that ‘a mass murderer in Ireland’ wouldn’t have received the 23-year sentence he was handed yesterday.

Weinstein, 67, is set to face two decades in jail for a litany of sexual assault convictions; in stark contrast to the 4 years with 3-and-a-half suspended that he probably would have received for the same crimes in Ireland.

Speaking exclusively to WWN an Irish judge admitted he was ‘stunned’ at the Weinstein verdict, and added that if the disgraced former mogul could find a way of getting the retrial held in Ireland, he’d be sure to lop a few years off the total.

“23 years? Jaysus, it’s almost like they didn’t take his former good standing in the community into account at all” said Judge Steven Hannerlon.

“And the jury weren’t presented with examples of the victims’ underwear? The women weren’t cross-examined on how much they’d drunk at the time? Sure it’s hardly like this thing was a rape trial at all. Next you’ll be telling me that no local sports figures came forward to give a reference to his previous good character! 23 years! Sure how’s he supposed to have a career after that?”

In other news, Weinstein has made a miraculous recovery from the back injury that plagued him throughout the trial, and has entered prison standing straight upright.