Covid-19 Threat So Great Men Now Actively Washing Hands After Using Toilet


THE SIGHT of men the world over, who normally think nothing of going a decade or so without washing their hands, resorting to germ eradicating practice after using the toilet is said to be more horrifying, sobering and panic-inducing than any number of videos of people collapsing to their deaths in the streets of China.

These bewildering scenes in toilets around the world have finally seen men heeding centuries old pleas from women to wash their hands after urinating and defecating, moving Covid-19’s threat level from ‘potential pandemic’ to ‘so bad men are washing their hands’.

“Surely, it hasn’t come to this? Oh good God, we’re all going to die aren’t we?” shared one mother-of-four boys, who took the sight of grown men washing their hands vigorously, boasting about it and looking for praise to be the apocalyptic sign it surely is.

“Haha, it tickles,” shared one man discovering the new experience of water from a tap hitting his hands, “but you’re telling me you do this after every shite? Haha, that’s mad so it is”.

“Ooh lemony,” added another to a queue of men lining up to use bathroom sinks, now holding his hands up and marveling at the non-stale urine smell his hands have after utilising something called ‘soap’, before reminiscing back to the good old days, “arse scratch, nose pick, sneeze into hands, piss after piss; you’d have never caught me washing me hands, unless of course it was one of those unisex toilets and a woman was there.

“Usually I’d have just hit the hand dryer button on the way out to pretend I did,” he finished.