FOUR MEMBERS of the notorious O’Loughlin disorganised crime gang will appear before the courts today charge with failing to rob a bank, WWN understands.
In what police have called the easiest arrests they’ve ever made, John ‘The Dunce’ O’Louhglin and his associates Harry ‘Half Brain’ Henderson, Noel ‘No Clue’ Nolan and Ian ‘The Spoon’ Cornell face being sentenced to a life of ridicule for their part in the absence of a successful crime.
“Due to some crossed wires the men turned up at four different Bank of Ireland branches and where discovered when one man was overheard loudly shouting ‘no, you fecking idiot I said we were robbing the one by College Green’,” investigating Gardaí explained.
Suspicions had been raised earlier at one of the banks when Mr. Henderson had been spotted outside trying to eat some soup with a fork.
In four separate banks the men loudly argued over who had the right location and were heard very clearly debating the finer details of their bank robbery plans, with Mr. Cornell given out to for initially getting the date of the robbery wrong and sleeping in until 11am.
“They wore balaclavas as gloves and gloves as balaclavas – I dunno what the fuck they were at at all. Even if they all turned up to the same place, one of the fellas forget to charge his electric car, so they had no getaway available to them,” added the Gardaí.
It is believed these same men were also wanted in connection with selling drugs at below cost price and forgetting to lock the door after kidnapping and imprisoning several people.