HOLDING up a long stream of traffic and travelling at a painful 34 kilometers per hour, local farmer Danny Rice is expected to finally arrive back at the farm later this afternoon after leaving protests in Dublin city on Wednesday.
“Jaysis, they’re in an awful rush around here,” Rice barked at a passing BMW that was beeping at him while overtaking on a dangerous country road, “busy too, there’s about 40 cars behind me, there must be a hurling match on somewhere”.
Ignoring repeated horns and passing insults, the 53-year-old father of 17 reminised about the great time he had in the big smoke on Tuesday and Wednesday, longing for the next time he and his fellow farmers could get together and disrupt the country’s traffic once more in a bid to be heard.
“I’ll bring the John Deer the next time; the lads said shes slower and more disruptive,” Rice said to himself, pushing down his rearview mirror to avoid the angry faces staring back at him.
Born will a rare condition that leaves him with an inability to pull in to the side of the road and let traffic passed, Rice was delight to learn that gardaí in Dublin had no problem with this, and handled him and his fellow farmers with the sort of gentle touch they do no reserve for housing and climate protesters.
“I’m sure our protests will get everyone on our side against the government and not be in anyway counterproductive,” he concluded to a loud ‘fuck off the road, you cunt’ from a passing nun driving a Nissan Juke.