Leinster House To Install Voting Buttons In Dáil Bar


FEARING that ‘Vote Gate’ may evolve into a massive scandal that could result in the abolition of the Dáil itself, TDs from both sides of the house have agreed to implement a number of measures to avoid a recurrence of the issue, including the installation of voting buttons in the Dáil Bar and the Dáil jacks.

Initially centred around three Fianna Fáil TDs, the revelations that Dáil members had been voting for absent colleagues caused over a dozen finger-pointing related injuries, until it was revealed that even Leo Varadkar and Micheál Martin had voted for fellow TDs who were ‘dicking around somewhere’.

With no system in place to punish a TD for something that everyone does, and a growing desire to never speak about the issue again, work has begun on a ‘vote anywhere’ system that will ensure that even TDs who can’t be arsed leaving the bar can still cast their own votes.

“We don’t need to sack TDs, we just need to add more buttons,” said a spokesperson for the Dáil, searching online for the most expensive contractor they can find to install the system.

“It was looking like heads would roll there for a while, but then the number of heads that would need to roll crossed a critical amount that ensured the whole thing would just get hushed up and moved on. But it won’t happen again now TDs aren’t expected to be in the chamber to vote – it just makes life easier for everyone, until they mess it up some other way”.

Meanwhile the nation has accepted that their elected officials have escaped punishment, yet again, and have agreed to just move on with life.