INITIALLY dismissing the idea of reintroducing wolves to Ireland as ludicrous proposal from Green Party hippies, the Irish government is slowly coming round to the idea after an emergency cabinet meeting.
“What do we know about wolves guys?” the Taoiseach said as he began a Power Point presentation in front of his ministers.
“They have sharp teeth. They get hungry. They eat meat,” chimed in the minister for housing Eoghan Murphy in an enthusiastic manner that was very clearly rehearsed in the minutes before the other cabinet members entered the room.
Responding to shocked expressions and deep intakes of breath at the cabinet table, the Taoiseach assured his cabinet that wolves have an ability to eat 10 kilos of meat in one sitting so could make their way through the homeless quickly if enough wolves were reintroduced.
However, he did acknowledge that Ireland’s 10,000 homeless and counting might not be ideally nourished enough to be considered an enticingly plump meal for the predator. Despite this, consensus is growing that the proposed reintroduction of wolves could be key in helping to reduce Ireland’s homeless figures.
“Of course the fecking hippy Greens will want credit for this, but we’ll need to get the messaging right. We’ll make sure everyone knows we’re the party that cleared the hotels of homeless people to make way for more important tourists,” a proud Taoiseach said.
“The public always say we don’t take homelessness seriously, well, wait until they see how quickly roving packs of wolves make the homeless a thing of the past,” Murphy added before attempting and failing several times to make decent contact on a celebratory high-five with the Taoiseach.