UCD Touts Selling Tickets For Chairs In Library


WITH demand for a seat in the libraries of third level institutions across Ireland intensifying in the run up to exams ticket touts have begun selling premium level seats in UCD’s James Joyce library, WWN understands.

The added presence in the hallowed corridors of learning of throngs of panic ridden lads who have barely turned up since September taking up valuable space in libraries has allowed touts to cash in on prime library real estate with many dedicated students willing to pay 5-figure sums for a seat.

“Anyone for chairs? Buying or selling, anyone for chairs?” screamed one hoarse sounding ticket tout, who is somehow seen at every gig across the country, even if they’re on at the same time in different venues on opposite sides of the country.

Stressed students are buying big prices for a spot in the library furthest away from the door, with a cast iron promise of not being sat next to anyone who has a weird heavy breathing habit, is struck down with flu, constantly yawns loudly, just watches Netflix, talks non stop to a friend or just takes constant ‘oh my God, totally sucks being in the library’ selfies.

WWN spoke to one tout who was delighted to be helping students who need to study in a library in peace.

“Don’t know why I didn’t start ripping off students years ago. I make more money selling these chairs than I do for tickets to Ariana Grande,” confirmed Deco Killey.

As the start of exams draws ever nearer, experts warn prices for library space is only going to increase.