FAI To Explain Accounts Once It Gets Done Shredding Documents

THE FAI has refused to answer questions as to why a fleet of trucks were unloading industrial sized paper shredders into its offices today, but confirmed it would be able to put suspicious minds at ease over their financial practices soon enough.

“Kindly piss off there now and leave the Executive Vice-President and ourselves to the business of winning the Nobel Prize for Football Administration,” confirmed one FAI man, who wouldn’t comment on the association’s very recent decision to advertise 40 new ‘Experienced Document Shredder’ positions on LinkedIn.

These latest developments come after the FAI told Sport Ireland – the body charged with releasing state funding to the association – that it couldn’t explain why it needed a €100,000 loan from its own employee, John Delaney, until an outside company it hired to look at its accounts finished its report and explained back to the FAI why it needed the loan.

Human rights advocates have criticised the FAI, accusing it of abusing the naivety of John Delaney after the Waterford man explained he was forced into effectively working 3 jobs at once against his will.

“This saintly man, who wouldn’t say boo to a ghost, or even claim the cost of therapy required after seeing a ghost, was forced to work for a measly €400,000 a year like some kind of football association slave,” Amnesty International confirmed, before adding, “shame on you all”.

As the security man was escorting us off the FAI’s premises over the sound of shredding, WWN Sport could just about make out some people loudly shouting “we’re fucked, we’re all fucking fucked, I tell you”.