Jacob Rees-Mogg Rescued After Slipping Through Street Grate


BREXIT champion Jacob Rees-Mogg is recovering with a nice warm bowl of thin, strained mushroom soup following a harrowing four hours spent trapped in a rain gulley after slipping through the bars of a street grate.

The beloved Conservative had just stepped out of the Houses Of Parliament for his customary Greggs Steak Bake mid-morning snack, when he stopped to wave at a large group of fans and well-wishers who had gathered outside to congratulate him on another productive round of Brexit talks.

Unfortunately for Mr. Rees-Mogg, by turning slightly to the left to blow kisses at his fanclub he inadvertently made himself narrower than the the grating he was standing on, and vanished out of sight. Emergency crews located the North East Somerset MP in the drains below, and a daring rescue ensued.

“If we’d have lost old Jacob, I’d say this whole Brexit thing would have been ruined beyond repair,” said one relieved member of the rescue team as Rees-Mogg was winched to safety with a spool of thread.

“Great to have him up over the ground again. Now he can go back in there and help to make sure that Brexit is carried off properly, so that we get everything we deserve as a nation without causing any barney or pallaver or knees up for nobody, innit”.

UPDATE: Mister Rees-Mogg has asked us to remove the phrase ‘harrowing’ from our article as it suggests he may be involved with Harrow University; He is an Eton man, and we are not to forget it.