Irish Football Fans Beat Delaney In Straight Sets


DEAFENING applause rang out around the Aviva heralding the victory in straight sets of the underdog Irish fans against overwhelming favourite and longstanding champion, John Delaney.

Easily volleying away last minute dashes to the courts by Delaney to stop newspapers reporting on the ever puzzling financial affairs of the FAI, the Irish fans raised their racket skyward in appreciation to the crowd in the premium seats who were munching on strawberries and cream.

Removing a sweatband from their wrist, drenched in salty excretion accumulated over a decade of near misses and ‘almost-wins’, the fans threw it into the crowd and signed large novelty tennis balls for young fans, much in the same way a former CEO might sign substantial cheques for large personal loans to organisations that are supposed to have large cash reserves of their own if they are actually run well.

“Honestly, next time we’d love to play with sliotars, but a win is a win no matter what the circumstances,” shared one Irish fan who admitted if Damien Duff was umpire the fans may not have won at all and might have gone into a John McEnroe meltdown.

The FAI has already announced their preparations for a rematch on the 10th of June in the Aviva by hiring 5,000 extra ball boys and girls at an estimated cost of €10 million.

“You wouldn’t be able to spot us for a quick bridging loan to cover the cost, would ya? We’re not very good at this,” confirmed the FAI.