Fate Of World Hangs On Trump-Kim Pie Eating Contest


THE meeting between US President Donald Trump and North Korean premier Kim Jong-Un has gone about as well as could be expected, with the pair now engaged in a raspberry pie eat-off to determine the outcome of key nuclear disarmament issues that plague the very fate of humanity.

Delegates in Vietnam had feared that the meeting between the volatile delusional dictator Donald Trump and the North Korean demigod Kim Jong-Un would result in a round-table debate between the two, which was sure to have ended in both of them yelling for their nuclear buttons after less than ten minutes.

However, the pair quickly moved the seminar away from intellectual debate and into the zone of summer camp-style games and challenges, culminating in Trump betting that he could eat ‘way more pies’ than Kim, a challenge that Kim did not shy away from.

“Gentlemen, the rules are as follows,” declared a Vietnamese politician, who was roped in as a referee for the perfectly on-brand contest.

“You both have your hands tied behind your backs. You’ve got a pie in front of you. At the whistle, you’ll have 30 minutes to eat as many pies as you can. Mr Trump, if you win, North Korea backs down from its nuclear programme. Mr Jong-Un, if you win, may God have mercy on our souls and on the souls of our children”.

Should the contest result in a tie, the debate will move on to the ‘slapsies’ phase.