Projected Cost Of Everything Should Be Multiplied By 10, Confirms Government


ALL BUT ADMITTING it is their current policy to pluck figures from their arses, the government has urged the public to stop taking them at face value when they launch a public infrastructure project in front of the Nation’s media and state it will only cost X amount and be delivered by Y date.

“Our advice is that when you see some glitzy over the top launch from us, and you hear one of our ministers proclaim a project will come in at a reasonable cost just whip out a calculator and multiply whatever figure we mention by 10, maybe 20 to be safe,” confirmed a spokesperson.

The news comes after the Taoiseach told the Dáil today that the cost of the expansion of rural broadband network will be “many multiples of what was anticipated originally”, and not long after the National Children’s Hospital cost debacle but before the inevitable explosion in cost of the MetroLink project.

“Don’t worry this sort of inability to be upfront and honest, or even to the most basic costings also extends into other areas of life such as the 23% VAT on vitamins,” added the spokesperson.

However, one area this strange inability to accurately state figures will not affect the construction of social housing units.

“Oh Jesus, no. You should divide whatever figures we trot out in regards to that by 100,” concluded the spokesperson.

Elsewhere, Fianna Fáil confirmed they were so outraged and incensed by this latest inexcusable malfeasance on the part of Fine Gael that they would continue to support the government.