JobPath To Be Rebranded JobCulDeSac

IN A desperate bid to save the JobPath service, Social Protection Minister Regina Doherty has put forward a proposal to change Turas Nua’s branding for the scheme to something a bit more reflective of what it can offer job seekers.

With only 11,334 people out of 206,000 who have taken part in JobPath sustaining employment for over 12 months, the minister suggested renaming the service JobCulDeSac instead.

“It’s only beneficial to a handful of job seekers so calling it JobCulDeSac will make it more exclusive and attractive to people wishing to secure work,” Doherty insisted, before then trying to defend the schemes €150 million per year cost.

“Paying a British based company to game Irish unemployment rate figures is very expensive, but it would have cost four times that if we were to hire an Irish contractor to hide the real numbers of unemployed; that scenario would be a gamer gaming a game in the game itself. Besides, we really need a non-Irish entity to blame when the shit hits the fan”.

The Social Protection Minister guaranteed the newly rebranded JobCulDeSac will do exactly the same job as its predecessor; sweeping real unemployed figures under a proxy unemployment scheme carpet and forcing people into jobs they don’t want to do under the threat of losing their social welfare payments.

“Spending €3,718 to shift one unemployed person off the live register is reasonable,” the minister insisted, “just as long as the figures look good, what does it matter?”