Jesus In 24-Hour Feet Washing Bender


HE’S at it again! Galilean playboy Jesus Christ has been spotted on the town again in the company of his hard-living entourage, kicking back with a rag-tag bunch of lepers, blind people, previously-dead men and of course, prostitutes; in fact, the ‘miracle man’ ended the night with some steamy foot-washing action with one lucky lady.

The self-proclaimed son of God kicked back with a loaf and enjoyed an intimate evening where his feet were washed with tears and anointed with perfume, all of which was captured on canvas in oils by the paparazzi.

Seemingly unfazed by the amount of attention his shenanigans were drumming up, Jesus, who up to last year was an unemployed carpenter living at home with his Mam, kicked back at his Pharisee critics while soaking up the Judaean nightlife.

“They hate me cos they ain’t me” said Jesus, drinking from a hipflask of water.

“I’m out here partying all day with some of the coolest people in the town. ‘Outcasts’, they call them, but they’re pretty sound while all these lads are there in their robes giving me shit… Lads, I’m just living my best life right now. Heal a few lepers. Tell a few parables. What harm am I doing? Okay, so maybe I got a bit crazy one week, upended a few tables in the temple… I told you before, ask my publicists about all that. Mark, Luke, get over here and set these guys straight”.

Always thinking ahead, Jesus is said to have a serious session planned for the Easter weekend, kicking off with a ‘big supper with the homies’.