US Shootings Barely Newsworthy Now

MEDIA agencies around the world have agreed to not bother covering incidents of mass shootings in America unless the death toll reaches 20 or over, following a rash of what have been described as ‘mass shootings in name only’.

While the world was shocked by the 1999 Columbine massacre that claimed 15 lives, reactions to mass shootings have been dulled in the following two decades as bodycounts soared. With the 2017 Las Vegas incident claiming 59 lives, it now seems foolish for news outlets to waste column inches on anything less than a score of deaths, unless someone famous is killed too.

The roll-out of this new system is already in place, with the recent execution-style killings of five people in a bank in- we’re going to say Ohio or somewhere- barely making page 11 around the world.

“We’re a news agency. We deliver news. And five or six dead people isn’t news anymore,” said a spokesperson for Big News Inc., the first network to implement the new rules.

“Look, to be honest, it’s not that it’s boring. It’s just that mass shootings on a daily basis is a pretty bad look for America. If we redefine what we mean by ‘mass shooting’, limiting the term to 30 or more, then they’re actually quite rare. We’re going to call 20 deaths or less ‘shooting-lite’, and just not cover them. So you see, it’s kind of a win-win for all round. Us, our viewers, and all our gun lobby friends”.