German Couple Prosecuted After Naming Child Tony Blair

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A GERMAN couple have been convicted in a Berlin court over charges relating to their first born son, who they named after one of the most notorious terrorist leaders in recent history.

Tony Blair Müeller, now aged 6 months, was born to Maria Müeller and her husband Erik in May of this year, and immediately prompted concerns among family members who questioned the couple’s choice of first and second name for their baby.

“I thought it was not right to name the baby after an evil man responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths” said the grandmother of the child, speaking without a German accent despite how you may be reading her.

“I had heard about the English couple who were investigated after they named their kid Hitler, so I contacted the authorities”.

At the hearing, the prosecution provided evidence that the naming of the child was no coincidence, as the Müeller’s have long been linked to breakaway center-right groups sympathetic to New Labour policies, Britpop, preemptive strikes on countries that do not pose a threat, and secretly being a total Tory.

“It is the opinion of this court that you gave your child the name Tony and the name Blair in an attempt to normalise the conversation surrounding this war criminal” said Judge Heinrich Strechfällen, again, with no accent whatsoever.

“You are hereby ordered to name the child after a less controversial, more humanitarian English public figure. Maybe Fred West Müeller. Or Harold Shipman Müeller. Something the kid can live with, without being tormented for life”.

Fears are growing that the rulings about giving your kids terrorist names may reach Ireland, where almost every child shares a name with someone from a paramilitary organisation.

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