Local Woman Won’t Hear A Bad Word Said About Michael D. Higgins


A LOCAL prospective voter in the upcoming Irish presidential election has confirmed she will not, under any circumstances, hear a bad word said about President Michael D. Higgins, WWN can reveal.

Waterford native Aoife Curra (29) has been a strong supporter of President Higgins ever since he resembled an adorable grandfather-type that could comfortably fit in your coat pocket, from where he could administer self-esteem boosting words of wisdom when needed most.

“Oh my God I just love him, he’s bloody lovely! And he’s a poet and oh God have you seen his dogs, and how small and cuddly he looks,” confirmed Curra before violently beating this reporter to a bloody pulp for asking if it was possible to discuss perceived failings some critics accuse the President of having.

“La la la can’t hear you,” Curra explained while reducing this reporter’s vital organs to a liquid mush through the use of extraordinarily impressive and violent kicks.

Curra went on to speak at length as to why Higgins is the perfect representative for Ireland.

“Just look at him,” Curra swooned, using the type of expansive and intense political discourse and research not associated with complete idiots, who follow utterly stupid non-Michael D. Higgins shaped candidates for public office.

Higgins remains the bookies favourite for the presidential race, something Curra believes is the only viable result.

“All those other candidates are a bunch of loons, have no ideas or understanding of the office of Irish president and can’t offer Ireland anything whereas Michael D is…he’s just so cute. Have you seen that picture of him queuing for an ATM,” confirmed the Irish politics nut.