‘No’ Side Sell Posters To DUP


IN a bid to recoup losses made during their unsuccessful campaign to save the 8th amendment, pro-life protestors across the country are today gathering as many posters, banners, signs and stickers as they can after the Democratic Unionist Party issued a ‘we’ll take ’em all’ statement over the weekend.

With the Republic Of Ireland taking to the polls in record numbers for Friday’s decisive victory for women’s rights, the focus now shifts to Northern Ireland, despite DUP leader Arlene Foster insisting that ‘we’re grand up here, thanks for asking but we’re fine’.

As pro-choice activists ROSA prepare to tour Northern Ireland offering still-unavailable abortion pills to the women of the disputed territories, the growing sense that an abortion referendum is inevitable has prompted the DUP to buy up as many anti-abortion posters from the south as possible, with both sides stating that the deal is ‘mutually beneficial’.

“The good thing is that the lies we told on these posters are pretty much in keeping with the DUP’s line on abortion, so we don’t even have to change anything,” said one pro-life advocate, fondly looking over a warehouse full of chopped up foetus banners.

“The ‘stats’ about how many babies get aborted in England, the scare-mongering about careless sluts having abortions every three weeks, the foetuses – oh my, how I’ll miss waving them at pregnant women outside maternity hospitals. They’re all in perfect nick, ready to go on NI lamp posts right away. Granted, they didn’t really help us in our fight against the repeal side in the Republic, but we think even less about a Northern Ireland woman’s ability to make her own decisions than we do of the women down south, if you can believe that”.

Cash raised from the sale of posters and paraphernalia to the DUP will lessen the financial losses of the American anti-choice lobbyists who funded the No campaign, as well as funding construction of a skin graft clinic to treat team members who suffered horrific burns on Twitter over the weekend.