New Study Shows Irish People Immune To Scandals


AS the INM data breach continues to unveil itself to resounding apathy, a new study has show that Irish people have developed an immunity to caring about scandals that are happening around them, even it they themselves are being directly affected on a daily basis.

The INM scandal, currently the most significant breach of data in the history of the Irish state but expected to grow much bigger in the coming days, has been met with a resounding ‘meh’ by the general public, even though it poses serious questions about the privacy of potentially thousands upon thousands of ordinary people.

The response is equaled only to the nationwide shrug following the revelations of widespread corruption in the highest ranks of An Garda Síochána, the yearly scandals surrounding the Catholic Church, the Corrib pipeline, NAMA, vulture funds, homelessness, HSE waiting lists, and McDonalds continuing to call mint-flavoured milkshakes “shamrock shakes”.

Experts have stated that such apathy is only possible on a biological level, and as such have carried out tests on Irish people to determine if a cure can be found.

“Okay, so here we see an Irish person, and what we’re going to do is introduce him to news of the INM data breach,” said one researcher, as we watched the experiment unfold on CCTV.

“So there he is, scrolling through his newsfeed, and… there, he see’s the story about something that threatens the very fabric of journalism in this country, a potential bid to control the truths that Irish people are exposed to on a daily basis, shaping their opinions, moulding their thoughts to whatever a higher power wants them to be and… there you go. Our subject just scrolled straight past it. This, we all agree, is not natural. This isn’t just ‘not caring’, this is an immunity to caring, this is ‘not caring’ on a molecular level. This is a sickness. This is how everything ends”.

More information about the INM data breach is available to those who have yet to succumb to apathy. For everyone else, here are some BRIGHT COLOURS.