Spin Unit To Be Wound Down, Altered Slightly & Hidden From Public View

THE TAOISEACH Leonardo Varadkar confirmed yesterday to his cabinet that the Strategic Communications Unit (SCU), used to distribute Taoiseach seflies, will be wound down before being slightly altered and then hidden from public view in a bid to make it look like it no longer exists.

Staff at the so-called Spin Unit will be reduced, and the overall budget cut to a paltry €2.5 million, which has left insiders wondering if there is even enough money left to pay media outlets to plant positive stories about the government in their struggling publications.

“That’s the end of the Spin Unit, sadly,” remarked one Communications Unit employee who will be redeployed to the Government Information Service to carry out the exact same work, just in a different department.

“It’s emotional time for all of us, especially the Taoiseach. When he saw the pile of photographs of himself that we wouldn’t get a chance to release to the public, I’ve never seen someone cry so much,” added the employee.

With news bulletins, radio updates, push notifications and front pages of newspapers all detailing the demise of the SCU, it seems opposition politicians ceaseless pressure on the government to act has lead to the successful rebranding of the Taosieach’s pet communications project, amounting to a hugely minor victory and monumentally small inconvenience to the government.

“That will really teach them not to spend public money disguising government advertisements as positive news stories,” a Fianna Fáil spokesperson explained, before taking the rest of the year off.