Defence Forces To Recruit 480 People Who Like Guns, But Not Shooting Them


RECRUITMENT is under way in the Irish Defence Forces with the army, air force and navy expressing a desire to speak to candidates with a particular interest in guns, coupled with a keen interest in never actually firing them.

“The highly intense and demanding job of someone in the Irish Defence Forces isn’t for everyone,” explained security expert Henry Gunning.

“You need to be the elite of the elite, just like the Marines. You need next level intelligence just like the SAS. And you need to really like guns as is the case with all elite forces. However, the Irish Defence Forces also needs you to be a fan of not shooting the guns themselves,” Gunning added, highlighting the stringent criteria applied.

The drive to recruit 480 people to the Irish Defence Forces will include a testosterone heavy video complete with a heavy metal soundtrack which showcases every aspect of the adrenaline rush that is the army experience, minus scenes including gunfire. Perilous and truly heroic missions rescuing refugees in the Mediterranean will feature, but will be outshone by footage of cool, heavy duty firearms with the safety clearly engaged.

It is believed after rejecting hundreds of out of shape men in their early 40s who wear khaki trousers, who have previously attempted to join the army dozens of times over the years, the Defence Forces will whittle down candidates to the best of the best, who will ultimately join and be armed with guns they will be explicitly told will get them kicked out if they ever choose to fire them.